A recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships provides evidence that feeling powerful within a romantic relationship is a better predictor of sexual assertiveness than a person’s gender. The findings challenge the traditional assumption that men naturally take the lead in the bedroom. The data suggests instead that the ability to express sexual desires is deeply tied to the balance of influence between partners.
Sexual assertiveness refers to a person’s willingness to take the initiative and act independently regarding their own sexual desires and behaviors. It involves the confidence to ask for what you want and to express your needs openly to a partner. Being able to communicate these needs is linked to higher sexual self-esteem and greater overall relationship satisfaction. It also relates to better sexual functioning and safer sex practices.
Historically, society has viewed sexual assertiveness through the lens of traditional sexual scripts. These scripts act as internalized social blueprints that dictate how men and women are supposed to feel and behave during intimate moments. These blueprints cast men as the assertive pursuers who naturally initiate sex. Women are expected to be passive participants who focus on being desired rather than expressing their own wants.
These traditional expectations are heavily shaped by a concept known as heteronormativity. Heteronormativity is a societal system that treats heterosexuality and its associated gender roles as the default or natural way of living. Under this system, the dynamic of an assertive man and a submissive woman is treated as the biological standard. Traditional sexual scripts essentially translate these rigid societal norms into expected patterns of personal behavior.
While early research often supported these scripts by showing that men reported higher sexual assertiveness, more recent studies show inconsistent gender differences. Society is changing, and traditional expectations may be losing their grip in some cultures.
Psychology researchers Verena Klein and Robert Körner noticed this shift and wanted to test whether traditional views hold up against an alternative explanation. They proposed that sexual assertiveness might actually stem from the amount of social power a person holds within their specific relationship.
“We were interested in the intersection of power and sexuality,” said Körner, a postdoctoral researcher and research associate in the Department of Personality Psychology at the University of Bamberg. “Specifically, we wondered whether sexual assertiveness—the ability to effectively communicate and pursue one’s sexual wishes and needs—is best predicted by gender, heteronormativity, or power.”
The researchers wanted to unpack the exact source of this relationship dynamic. “In other words, do men report higher levels of sexual assertiveness than women?” Körner continued. “Is this pattern observed only in heterosexual couples, but not in queer couples, where traditional gender roles may be less relevant? Or is sexual assertiveness primarily about power—that is, the perceived ability to influence one’s partner and have one’s goals and needs fulfilled?”
In this context, power is defined as the degree to which an individual feels they can influence their romantic partner. Prominent psychological theories suggest that people with higher social power are generally better at pursuing their goals. These individuals tend to display more agency, which is the capacity to act independently and make free choices. The researchers suspected that this general sense of influence easily translates into the bedroom.
To explore this, the researchers compared three competing ideas. The first was the gender hypothesis, predicting that men will consistently report higher sexual assertiveness. The second was the heteronormativity hypothesis, predicting that gender differences will only appear in heterosexual relationships where traditional scripts are most rigid. The third was the power hypothesis. This idea suggests that a person’s perceived influence over their partner is the true driver of their sexual assertiveness, completely independent of their gender.
To investigate these dynamics, Klein and Körner recruited 383 couples from Germany. This sample included 287 heterosexual couples and 96 couples identifying as part of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer community. The researchers intentionally included diverse couples to see if the patterns held across different relationship contexts.
The participants were about 29 years old on average. They had been in their current relationship for an average of just under five years. Most participants were not married, though a small percentage had tied the knot. The sample included people with varying levels of education, with about half of the group currently enrolled as university students.
Each partner completed an independent online survey lasting about 15 to 25 minutes. The survey used a standardized questionnaire to measure sexual assertiveness. Participants rated statements about how often they ask for what they want sexually and how assertive they are about the sexual aspects of their lives.
The researchers also measured relationship power using a specific psychological scale. Participants rated their perceived ability to get their partner to listen to them or do what they want. This scale specifically asked participants to think about their influence within their current romantic relationship, rather than their power at work or in society generally.
The researchers analyzed the responses using what scientists call dyadic data analysis. This approach looks at data from couples rather than isolated individuals. It allows researchers to account for the fact that two people in a relationship influence each other continuously. The team used multilevel statistical models to test all three of their hypotheses simultaneously.
The data did not support the gender hypothesis. The researchers found no significant differences in sexual assertiveness between men and women. Men did not report higher levels of sexual assertiveness than women. This result contradicts the traditional sexual script that casts men as the primary instigators of intimacy.
The heteronormativity hypothesis also failed to hold up under scrutiny. The lack of gender differences remained consistent regardless of the type of couple. Women and men in heterosexual relationships showed highly similar levels of assertiveness. The same pattern generally appeared when comparing men and women within same-sex relationships.
Instead, the data provided robust support for the power hypothesis. Individuals who felt they had more power in their relationship consistently reported higher levels of sexual assertiveness. This positive link between perceived influence and sexual expression appeared across all types of couples.
“Power was the strongest—and the only consistent—predictor of sexual assertiveness,” Körner said. “This finding highlights the importance of power in enabling people to communicate and pursue their sexual wishes and needs.”
The researchers also noticed that the strength of this connection varied from couple to couple. In relationships where both partners reported generally high levels of sexual assertiveness, the link between personal power and the ability to express sexual needs was the strongest. This indicates a unique dynamic where highly expressive couples might be more sensitive to power balances.
Interestingly, the researchers found some unexpected patterns when looking at marginalized groups. Lesbian women scored lower in sexual assertiveness than heterosexual women, and non-binary participants scored the lowest overall. The authors suggest this might be explained by intimate justice theory. This theory proposes that historically marginalized groups may internalize reduced expectations for sexual pleasure due to their social position.
While the study provides fresh insights into relationship dynamics, the findings come with a few notable limitations. The research relied on an observational design. This means it can only show a correlational relationship between power and assertiveness. It cannot definitively prove that feeling powerful directly causes a person to become more sexually assertive.
The researchers note that longitudinal studies, which track people over long periods of time, are needed. Experimental research could also help confirm the exact direction of this association. Until then, scientists can only say that power and assertiveness strongly tend to appear together.
The study also relied on self-reported questionnaires to gather data. People sometimes alter their answers on surveys to appear more socially acceptable. This tendency can slightly skew the results, especially when dealing with sensitive topics like intimacy. Behavioral observations would be an ideal alternative, but observing private sexual encounters is severely restricted by ethical guidelines.
Another consideration is the geographic and cultural background of the sample. The participants were drawn entirely from Germany, a Western country known for its relatively liberal sexual attitudes. In this cultural context, traditional sexual scripts might be weaker than they are in other parts of the world.
“Our participants were from Germany, so it remains unclear whether the findings would generalize to other cultural contexts, such as East Asian or Middle Eastern societies,” Körner said. Norms around women’s sexuality and assertiveness are much more heavily restricted in certain global regions. Testing these theories in diverse cultural settings is an important next step for the scientific community.
Future studies might also explore how these dynamics play out for single people or those engaging in casual sexual encounters. Power balances and gender expectations tend to function very differently outside of committed, long-term partnerships. Traditional scripts often have a stronger influence during the early stages of dating.
By examining these uncommitted contexts, researchers could reveal even more about how social influence shapes human sexuality. Understanding the true sources of sexual assertiveness can help inform better relationship counseling. These insights offer practical ways to help individuals navigate their intimate lives with confidence.
The study, “Breaking the Script: How Gender, Heteronormativity, and Power Relate to Sexual Assertiveness,” was authored by Verena Klein and Robert Körner.
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